The Rhythm Of My Heartbeat-11

Previously...

Yousif; ok nevermind
Ruba; ……..
Yousif; I'm sorry

I blinked a lot, I didn't want to tear up.

Ruba; i..it's ok .. I better go now

I got up, as I heard yousif ..

Yousif; allah ma3ach

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This was harder than I thought! .. I went and sat with rinad, basma, and yasmeena. They were talking and talking. But I was kind of blanked. Killa sar7aana, killa madryy 3an eldinya!

Rinad; *whispers* entay ta3alay! Taw mesa3a raga3na lich jidam okhooch! But I didn't know why?
Ruba; haaa? ..

At first I really didn't understand what she was saying, but then I remembered the "lujain" cover up story..

Ruba; ohhh!! Yeah I was just checking on my facebook
Rinad; 3ayal laish itrag3een?
Ruba; it was some dude's picture
Rinad; dude? *eyes popped out* SPILL!!

Sharagiiii3!! Shagoouuuull!

Ruba; umm .. s3ood! Yeah! .. s3ood!

Saying his name is the hardest thing. My heart skips a beat every time I do.

Rinad; oh 7ayatyyyy
Ruba; yeah. I removed him
Rinad; zain itsaween wallah
Ruba; yeah ..

S3ood, if you only knew! How hard it is for me to pretend I forgot you, to pretend I hate you. To pretend I don't care! ,, ever since we broke up, I've never said "a7ibik" to any one else. I only say "me too" when yousif says he loves me! And I said "I think I love you too" once! Only once. Plus when I say it in English is different than it is Arabic. galby ma e6awi3ny agoul "a7ibik" 7ag shakh9 ghairik enta! Aakh if you only knew!

LATER;

Yasmeena, 9ali7 and I were watching a movie, the girls were walking the dog. Khalood was meeting "her" I supposed. 9ali7 likes yasmeen. It's so obvious, so I gave them privacy, I know how much I needed it when I was in his shoes ..

Ruba; waii3 filimkom sakheef! Ana barou7 atmasha
9ali7; hahah,,allah ma3ach

Yasmeena was too into the movie to reply .. I actually liked the movie, but I wanted them to .. well .. have a memory they would remember when they're older. And think "I remember I watched a movie with a girl/boy I liked. All alone" that would be nice. I was wearing my light skinny jeans and an over-sized pullover. And nikey shoes. I sat on a porch, and rolled my hair as the wind was blowing it away .. the view of the sea always makes me feel calm and peaceful. The view was amazing. And I don't know why I had to tell yousif of the beauty that's before me .. I called him.

Yousif; ahlaan!
Ruba; hey .. look out your window ..

I heard voices of him getting up, and moving the window covering ..

Yousif; there's a tree blocking!
Ruba; ohh! Damn!

With yousif, I don't care if he thinks I love swearing. I don't care if he thinks I'm impolite. I don't care what he thinks of me!

Yousif; why?
Ruba; the sea looks amazingly incredible!
Yousif; where you at?
Ruba; I don't know, some bench I found and sat on …
Yousif; aha

I just held the phone near my ear. And heard him breathe. We weren't talking. I just liked the view and wanted to share it with someone who would care .. I heard a few doors slap .. but didn't ask! .. after a while ..

Yousif; like this bench?

He was right behind me holding his phone with a wide smile.

Ruba; *gasp* YINNYYY!
Yousif; haha, let's just say, I know how to follow my heart ..

I hit him softly on his shoulder as he sat down ..

Yousif; isn't it a little bit cold out here?
Ruba; I like feeling cold
Yousif; I don't!
Ruba; ok
Yousif; whoa! Hahaha! Chithy yidgiroon?
Ruba; yeah!
Yousif; haha! Are you okay?

No! I'm confused of what I feel towards you

Ruba; yeah ..
Yousif; ………

I was sick of it! The faking, the pet naming, the fake dala3! I don't love yousif, but I respect him as a person, feel sorry for, and feel needy towards, coz he knows exactly what to do to cheer me up! But I don't love him! How is that!?

Ruba; I'm sorry
Yousif; no worries
Ruba; it's just .. I don't know ..
Yousif; can't find the right words?

I just looked at him. With one look he knew I'm lost.

Yousif; it's ok

He pulled me closer to him, and leaned his head on mine. I didn't know why I liked it. I just liked it.

Yousif; ruba?
Ruba; hmm?
Yousif; why did you come back to me? since you thought I'm mentally ill and should be ashamed of myself?

He just slapped me again!

Yousif; hmm?
Ruba; madryy yousif. Sometimes .. things don't have to make sence, but that doesn't mean they don't mean anything to us
Yousif; and by "us" you mean "you"?
Ruba; yeah
Yousif; so you're saying I mean something to you?
Ruba; well yeah
Yousif; ishkethir?
Ruba; a lot!
Yousif; ya bakhtyy

The only song that came into my head at that time, was "oops I did it again"! ..

Ruba; hehe

Ok, maybe he does mean something to me, just not "a lot" .. I find myself still in love with s3ood and can't just forget about him. But yousif! Aahhh yousif!! He's Mr.Right! Sood is Pince Charming! …

Yousif; pst! Tara entaay wayid tisri7een *teases*
Ruba; hehe

I leaned my head on his shoulder. I didn't why I did that. I just needed a shoulder to lean on. Logically, and literally. And yousif is a strong man that can handle it. I was resting my eyes, the sound of the sea waves, the gulls, the sound of his breath on my head, made a great combination that take you to another world.

Yousif; *whispers* nimtay?
Ruba; hmm?

I was kind of too hypnotized to realize what he just said .. he chuckled in a low voice ..

Yousif; 7abeebty you can't sleep now.
Ruba; I'm not sleeping, I'm just closing my eyes..

I kept them shut ..

Yousif; it7ibeeny?
Ruba; mhmm

I heard a smile on his face. (it's a figure of speech, coz you can't really "hear" a smile! You get what I mean right?;*) I wanted to stay like this forever. It felt so nice. I felt numb. I wasn't really worried about what would happen tomorrow! I was just settled in the shoulder of a man who cares for me. despite the face that it's one sided. I just felt important once again..

Yousif; how long d..
Ruba; *interrupts* sh sh! I'm enjoying this..

He zipped it. We stayed like that for about 10 minutes ..

Ruba; I haven't felt like this since ..

S3ood! That's why I quickly got up, stood to face yousif..

Ruba; thank you, sorry, I have to go, I don't want khalid to worry
Yousif; … alright …

I walked away! And my heart burnt on yousif! I hate what I'm doing to him! .. I went back to the chalet, I entered my room, and threw myself on my soft bed. I just laid there .. minutes later …

From Moron;
I'm sorry if I did something that bothered you;*

To Moron;
7ayaty it's not you. I'm going through a few things, I just need time to settle down ..

From Moron;
Take all the time you need. But I'll miss you;*

I just wanted to feel guilt-free happiness. I needed to fix myself. I admit I was broken! S3ood broke me! but yousif! Is like band aid! I know I'm using for while, and then I'll eventually throw it away. That's what band aids are for, temporary comfort. And then your skin just attaches and you don't need the band aid! But yousif was a very good band aid. He doesn't deserve throwing him away! .. so I figured I should take some time to think of what I was doing. And yousif approved, he felt something was wrong with me, I appreciate him (:

DAYS LATER;

We only text, rarely even. He gave me space, he gave me time… I've never kept a secret from neither rinad nor basma. This secret creeped inside of me! I wanted to let it out. I held it for too long, I hated having to lie to my friends! .. I told them, they were disappointed a little bit at the beginning, but then they were understanding, like always <3 .. .. I felt better that I don't have to lie any more. But yousif, yousif was also another problem to me. I felt guity, I wanted to tell him, I just didn't know how he would react. I was a bit frightened ..

To Moron;
Meet me eb chili's elba7ar ,, 7pm

From Moron;
I'll be there

Truth be told, I was anxious. Libast dress baij, o it had a golden belt attached to it, 3al rokba, brown cardigan, brown heels, (not a fan of heels, but i think it would look cute with the dress ;p) .. my hair, I put a few pins and I let them do their magic .. I drove my range rover .. when I arrived, I saw yousif sitting there, his elbows were on the table, while he was "e6ig a9ab3a" looking a bit worried. I entered completely ignoring the waiter that was asking me where I want to be seated. And sat on the table yousif was at.

Yousif; ahlan!
Ruba; hehe, hi..
Yousif; so..?
Ruba; so ..

We ordered, the talking was pretty normal. I was waiting for the nerve to spill. But it never seemed to come. every time I see how happy he was to see me. I realize I'm about to cut him.

AFTER WE WERE DONE EATING;

Ruba; kramk allah
Yousif; 3alaich bil 3afya ..
Ruba; walk me to my car?
Yousif; sure ..

As we were leaving ..

Ruba; or maybe just walk?!
Yousif; even better ..

(You see fe mukan 9oub chili's ellyy it's like a bridge, bs it's not :p it's for fishing madryy shnu ;p yeah! They were walking hnaak. Ma7ad kan mawjood (6) Mwahah ;p)

Ruba; umm ..
Yousif; what ;p?
Ruba; yousif?
Yousif; 3youn yousif?

I looked down! Ahh! I'm about to destroy all of this!

Yousif; gouly elly ib kha6rich!
Ruba; umm .. yousif you don't really know the whole story ..

He didn't seem to care much as he lit a cigar..

Yousif; what's the whole story?

He exhaled the smoke on the other direction .. I was looking at him with I don't know? Maybe puppy eyes? Maybe had a worried face? Honetly I didn't know what I looked like, I was just not wanting what's going to happen to happen!

Ruba; my story with s3ood.

His grip tightened on the cigar..

Yousif; what about it?
Ruba; well .. you're gonna hate me for saying this, but I'll say it any way, coz I can't lie any more!

He faced me entirely. And kept holding the cigar..

Ruba; you see ..! I left s3ood, because he didn't trust me, I was planning on going back to him after a while, I wanted him to learn something. But then I found out that he's moved on. He was already with someone else .. and .. then I don't know .. well .. you were my ticket out of this.
Yousif; your ticket out!?

He looked pretty angry, he was clenching his teeth.

Ruba; I know yousif! I'm so sorry! But I felt guilty the whole time! And holding this as a secret burned me alive. At first I didn't know you, I thought you deserve someone treating you with dishonesty ,, but then I got to know you better, which made me feel so bad that I was lying to you ..

Yousif's cigar was burning, he never breathed it in ever since I said "s3ood". It's not only the cigar that was burning ..

Yousif; is that supposed to make me feel any better?!
Ruba; I ..
Yousif; *interrupts* ok!

What?

Ruba; …
Yousif; I get it!

I stayed silent, he seemed angry, o 9ara7a kint khayfa! .. then he just walked away! Dropped his cigar on the floor. And walked away! ..

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Sorry this is a little short, but I'm going through "things" o bil yaalah 3ala ma kitabt this, just for you guys;*

I also think enna hal post has a good length, madry a7is lama e9er VERY LONG e9er boring, tell me what you guys think, 3ashan I make it easy and fun for you;*